Doctor, Doctor
by sweetsheart
Summary: One would think that, just having graduated from medical school as a fully fledged doctor, Franken Stein would know better than to challenge Marie Mjolnir to a drinking contest. Stein/Marie, Spirit/Kami.


"Well, _Doctor, _drinks better be on you now, hey?" Spirit slapped his hand down on Stein's shoulder and the silver-haired young man sighed.

"You don't get paid for studying. I don't even have a job." Stein remarked.

"It's pretty awful when my waitressing at Deathbucks is the only thing bringing money into our household." Marie remarked, and Kami smirked.

"Oh, well, _our household._ Domestic bliss?" Kami asked, and Marie gave a small laugh.

"No. I just started getting too lazy taking my things back to my apartment so I left them at his. That's how these things work." Marie remarked, and Kami smiled.

"I hope Maka's okay." she mused to herself, and Spirit wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"She's with Sid and Naigus. I'm sure she and Black*Star are getting on like a house on fire." Spirit said.

"Except she's a six year old girl and he's a six year old boy and cooties exist." Marie added. Stein raised an eyebrow and Marie sighed, wrapping her hand around his bicep.

"It's okay, I had my cootie shot." she giggled, and Stein rolled his eyes.

"Good to know." he followed Spirit and Kami into a bar, Marie still holding onto his arm firmly.

"I'm buying the first round, and that's only 'cause I'm proud of my little meister." Spirit tucked Stein's head under his arm and tousled his hair, and the silver-haired doctor pulled away.

"Piss off." he muttered, and Spirit grinned.

"Not a chance." he replied, and he sat at the bar, Kami sitting beside him, Marie beside her and Stein sitting beside the blonde.

"Four of whatever you're pouring. And make sure you're careful, we got a doctor in the house now!" Spirit and the bartender were familiar, and he glanced down at the silver-haired young man Spirit was pointing at.

"Congrats, kid." he remarked, and Stein nodded. Marie glanced at Stein and grasped his arm.

"Come on. Be proud." she urged, and he shook his head.

"Why?" he asked, and Marie sighed, pushing two of the poured drinks down in between her and Stein.

"Because you achieved something. I'm proud of you." she smiled, and Stein managed a small smile in return.

"Why are you saying all this now?" he asked. Marie picked up the drink and sighed.

"Because we are going to get very drunk, that's why." she replied, and she swung around to glance at Spirit down the bar.

"Albarn!" she cried. A smirk crawled onto Spirit's face – she only called him Albarn when a challenge was afoot, and seeing they were in a bar, there was only one challenge to be had.

"Mjolnir!" he called back, and she grasped her drink.

"You on?" she asked, and he nodded. Marie looked at Kami.

"Not me. I'll pass – but I'm sure Stein'll join in." Kami grinned, and Stein sighed. Marie turned to him and her uncovered eye widened. A small pout appeared on her face.

"Please, come on… _Doctor_ Stein." she said, and Stein's glance was discerning.

"Really?" he asked. Marie nodded. He looked at Spirit down the bar before his eyes flicked back to Marie with a sigh.

"What the hell." he remarked, and Marie giggled and threw her arms around his neck.

"_I'm gonna win._" she whispered, and Stein pulled back. Marie was very petite – there was no way she was holding her alcohol better than him or Spirit.

"Ten bucks says you're wrong." he replied, and Marie smirked. Stein didn't notice Spirit shaking his head. He grasped Marie's hand and shook it, and Spirit turned around and slapped his palm down on the bar.

"We need some shots over here, stat!"

* * *

"No, _no… no… _You… _you _are my best friend in the _world._ I – I _love you._"

"N-N-No, _I, _I love _you, _Spirit. You are _my best friend!_"

"_I know!"_

Kami looked at the two men before looking at Marie beside her, their arms interlinked.

"How are you still alright?" Kami asked.

"If you let go of me, I'll fall down." Marie remarked, and Kami sighed.

"That's 'cause you're always in six-inch heels." Kami remarked, and Marie shrugged.

"I don't know. I have to keep talking really, _really_ slowly… but I'm okay." she remarked.

"Maybe it's because all of your ancestors were big, burly Vikings. You're just one of those compressed into a tiny blonde and can hold your liquor like nobody's business." Kami remarked, and Marie giggled.

"Maybe." she said, and her eyes flicked back to Spirit and Stein for a moment.

"You… you're a _doctor._ My _best friend _is a _doctor! _That's _amazing!_" Spirit slapped his hand down on Stein's shoulder, staggering over the pavement somewhat, and Stein laughed.

"You-You're a _dad._ That…my best friend's a _dad. _I mean… _wow._" Stein over-enunciated the words as he leant heavily on Spirit.

"You know what?" Spirit whispered, and Stein looked at him.

"Wh-what?" he hiccupped, and Spirit laughed.

"Y-You had to do lotsa _work_ to become a doctor. To become a dad," Spirit laughed again, pressing his hand to his face, "_I just had to do sex. _Just once, and _bam!"_

"I think I'm going to hit him." Kami remarked.

"Please don't. You need to stay here and make sure I don't fall in a gutter." Marie pleaded, and Kami's reply was drowned in raucous laughter from the two men. She sighed and shook her head, and when she looked again, Stein was making his way over to the two. He sidled up beside them and slung his arms around their shoulders.

"_Hello… ladies."_ he slurred, and Kami and Marie looked at one another, not able to keep from laughing.

"How you doing, Stein?" Kami asked.

"Kami! Kami, I… I am _wonderful._" Stein told her, and Kami laughed.

"That's good, Stein." she replied, and Stein suddenly pressed his head against hers, rubbing against it as if her were a cat.

"I like you, Kami. I think you are… you are a good meister, a good _mother,_ and a good meister too." Stein managed, and Kami smiled.

"Why, thank you, Stein. I think you're a good meister and mother too." she rolled her eyes and smirked, and Marie sighed.

"Are you going to leave Kami alone, Stein?" Marie asked, and Stein's eyes flicked to Marie.

"Marie! My Marie…" he murmured, and his arm dropped from Kami's shoulder to wrap around Marie's waist. His chin hooked over her shoulder and she could just see him looking at her out of her peripheral vision.

"_Don't tell Spirit," _he whispered conspiratorially, "_but you're my favourite weapon._" Marie smiled and Stein sighed, fixing his hands in front of Marie's stomach.

"Really?" she asked, and Stein nodded.

"D'you know why?" he asked. Marie looked at him.

"Why, Stein?" she tried desperately not to laugh.

"_Because I get to have sex with you._" he told her, and Kami heard and laughed.

"That's so romantic." she laughed.

"You laugh," Marie sighed, "but that's probably the most romantic thing he's ever said to me."

* * *

Marie awoke the next morning and staggered to the bathroom in the hopes of having a shower. Mercifully, by some miracle, her hangover was not too bad.

However, by the sight in the bathroom, Stein's was.

"Stein?" she called. The silver-haired man hugging the toilet bowl did not turn around.

"Yes?" he replied, listlessly.

"Your pants are halfway down your butt and I can see your underpants." she replied.

"I don't care." he managed to get out before throwing up again. His back arched upwards and Marie sighed, walking over towards him to sit on the side of the bath. Her hand rested on his bare back and he groaned. She rubbed circles into his back and sighed.

"You want to know something great?" Marie asked.

"You have a gun?" Stein asked. Marie shook her head.

"No. You owe me ten bucks." she grinned, and Stein sighed.

"That's great." He braced his arms across the toilet and rested his head on them. Marie flushed the toilet as he sighed, blinking up at her.

"But, from the sounds of it, you can pay me back in other ways." Marie remarked.

"What do you mean?" Stein groaned.

"Well, last night you told me I was your favourite weapon because you got to have sex with me." Marie told him, and he furrowed his eyebrows in disgust at his own comments.

"I'm sorry." he began, but after a second his arms flung up around the toilet as he retched.

"Okay. I'm going to find Kami. Have fun vomiting." she replied. Stein sighed and Marie left before he could start throwing up again. She emerged to see Kami in the kitchen, surprised she could find anything in the kitchen that Stein managed to keep completely disorganised, and Spirit sitting on the table alternating sips of coffee and water.

"Oh, your wife's nice. I just left Stein throwing up." Marie sat beside Spirit, and he gave a small smile.

"I think I pulled up a little better than him, to be fair." Spirit remarked. Kami sighed.

"Have a shower, Franken, it'll make you feel better!" she called. Stein groaned in response, but the shower started soon after. However, Stein couldn't have stepped into the shower when they heard a yelp.

"Stein?" Marie called. After a second, Stein poked his head out of the bathroom.

"Spirit, here, _now._" Stein called.

"I don't want to see you naked." he replied, and Stein was furious.

"_Now." _he hissed. Spirit sighed and stood up, walking over to the younger man.

"What's wrong?" Spirit asked. Stein glanced down the hallway to make sure Kami and Marie were distracted, and he swallowed hard.

"You need to check your underwear." he said. Spirit was taken aback.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you still drunk?" he asked, and Stein shook his head.

"Spirit, trust me." he said, and Spirit sighed, shoving past Stein to walk into the bedroom. After a moment, Spirit cried out.

"_Holy shit!_"

"Spirit, what did we _do?!_" Stein hissed. Down the hallway, Kami couldn't suppress her laughter.

"What are they doing?" Marie asked. Kami sighed and turned around, crossing her arms.

"Do you really want to know?" she asked and Marie nodded. Kami sighed.

"They shaved themselves." she told Marie, and her eyes widened.

"Down there?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, Death! Why?!"

"They were drunk. And they thought it was such a good idea, you were asleep and I didn't want to stop them." she didn't want to giggle but she couldn't help herself. Marie sighed and shook her head.

"I don't even want to _look_ at you."

"Me? Like this was _my _idea!"

"It certainly wasn't _mine, _Spirit!"

"Are you boys okay up there?" Kami called.

"We're fine!" Spirit called back, and she sighed and shook her head. Eventually the two came back, looking sheepish and very sorry for themselves. Marie smirked and giggled.

"Boy, we were pretty drunk last night. Must've been a close _shave_ for us to all get home okay." she said.

Stein and Spirit stared at one another.

"You guys are actually stupid. I mean, we all knew Spirit was stupid, but Stein! You're a doctor!" Kami exclaimed. Stein shook his head before it fell into his hands.

"I tried to stop you from getting into a drinking contest with Marie." Spirit remarked.

"You still owe me ten bucks. I'll take twenty not to tell anyone about your little escapade." she remarked.

"You're _sadistic_." Stein remarked.

"Close. I'm your girlfriend." she replied. Stein sighed and Spirit glanced at him.

"So, what other dirty secrets do you know from last night?" Spirit asked Kami. She looked at Marie, and they both assumed imitations of their respective partners.

"_I love you, Stein._" Kami began.

"_No, no, Spirit, I love you. You're my best friend."_ Marie replied, and Spirit and Stein were already cringing.

"_You're my best friend, Stein! My best friend's a doctor!_" Kami cried.

"_Well, my best friend's a dad! That's so cool!_" Marie replied, and Kami leant into her, her voice dropping to a whisper.

"_I only had to have sex to be a dad._" she replied.

"I didn't say that! No way!" Spirit cried.

"You did." Kami nodded. Spirit's head fell into his hands and he shook his head. Stein walked over to the kitchen table and sat beside Marie, dropping his head to the table with a loud groan. Marie sighed and rubbed small circles into Stein's back.

"I'm going to die." he mumbled.

"Oh, come on, you aren't," Marie remarked, "you're a doctor, you know that." Stein groaned and his eyes flicked up to Marie.

"How long are you going to use that against me?" he asked. Marie leant forward and gently kissed Stein on the forehead.

"Forever." she giggled.


End file.
